JAG Serial Hangs Four Criminal Colorado SCJs

The four Colorado Supreme Court Justices who tried keeping President Trump’s name off the state’s primary ballot earlier this year were sequentially executed for treason at GITMO on June 10—better late than never.

As reported, a panel of military officers unanimously found Justices Richard L. Gabriel, Melissa Hart, Monica Márquez, and William W. Hood guilty of treason, and Vice Adm. Darse E. Crandall scheduled their executions for June 3. But for reasons not given to us, and which we could not independently determine, the admiral postponed the highly anticipated hangings until June 10.

The four were fed a final meal before being asked if they wanted Last Rites or a member of the cloth present at the gallows. Only Justice Márquez expressed interest in reconciliation, but said her faith, Paganism, required that a priestess of Kakia, the Greek goddess of vice and moral badness, deliver her from the “material plane” unto the next world. When told JAG had no priestesses available, Márquez accused JAG of discrimination and said that hanging a lesbian or non-binary person during pride month was morally and biblically unethical.

JAG’s response: she’d hang first, and her three co-conspirators would be privileged to watch her receive a rope necklace ahead of their respective turns.

Hands bound behind her back, Márquez climbed the steps to the gallows as the MP to her rear pressed the muzzle of a rifle against her back. The hangman atop the platform slipped the noose around her neck and placed a cloth bag over her head. Below them, Vice Admiral Crandall asked if she had any final words while military police kept the other three trembling justices at bay.

Justice Hood told his fellow criminals that JAG might have fed them acid or LSD, resulting in a shared or communal hallucination. “Maybe none of this is real; they’re trying to scare us,” he said.

The admiral glanced at him. “If thinking that comforts you, that’s fine with me.”

Márquez addressed the admiral and half a dozen officers in attendance: “You all took an oath to defend the country against domestic enemies. Admiral Crandall is MAGA and a domestic terrorist. If you follow him, you’ll share his fate.”

“You’re screaming into the void, detainee Márquez,” the admiral replied. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

Only Justice Gabriel averted his eyes as the trapdoor below Márquez’s feet pivoted open and she dropped to a lingering death, as the fall had not broken her neck vertebrae. She slowly strangled, her brain deprived of oxygen.

Justice Hart screamed, “Oh, God, don’t do this to us,” and vomited onto the ground.

Beside her, Justice Gabriel invoked the name of the 44th president: “Obama said we’d be safe!”

“You misplaced your faith,” Admiral Crandall quipped.

Medics declared Márquez dead and zipped the corpse inside a polyurethane bag. The admiral ordered the gallows reset for its next victim, Justice Hart, and instructed an engineer on the scene to adjust the rope and counterbalance set for her height and weight.

The gruesome but justifiable hangings concluded around 2:00 p.m. Four bulging body bags lay beside one another on the ground.

Justice Gabriel had gone last. The admiral had told him he was wise to shut his eyes as the others swung, for even he found hangings distasteful—but necessary.

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